It is very hard for me to believe it has already been four years since Daddy passed. I can still remember the day the call came "something is wrong with Dad". I was out with Mom all day and had such a bad feeling for most of it. I figured it was just me being a crank, nothing unusual.
I ran in ahead of my mother and saw him slouched over in the chair.
I was terrified of what was about to happen.
There are visions in my head to this day of people coming up to us in Daddy's office saying "I am so sorry". Sorry for what? The whole scenario was shocking. Somehow I knew when we were there that he was gone. I can not begin to describe the overwhelming wave of emotions and thoughts that were non stop on that day. All I knew was that I could not cry or be hysterical because I had to be a big girl and be there for my Mom. What would she do? What can I do? Is there anything I could do?
Bring Daddy back was the only logical answer I could come up with.
So I shed a few tears in the car with my brother and Mom who thought Daddy still had a chance in life. Somehow I knew he was gone and it was time for me to be a rock.
On a very hot August fourth we buried my Daddy. All the days leading up to that are one.
I did not sleep for three days.
I did not cry for three years.
Now, in year four, I am crying. I can cry. I can be sad. I can be angry and frustrated.
I have not been living since Daddy passed. I have simply been getting through each day.
Just doing what needs to be done.
This is not a way to be.
Now I cry a lot, easily from anything. I miss my father, his laughter and his humor. I miss his ability to create comfort anywhere he was. I admire him for finding the best in everyone.
You just can not imagine what life is like without your Dad, there is a void that can never be filled.
Today Charlie,
a very good man who is now helping someone else to be the best person they can possibly be.
"You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need"
-Rolling Stones
I love you
